Future Prospects: Slightly less optimistic.
I woke up with my period today a full two days early. I didn't notice until I went to the bathroom to pee on a stick, and it caught me entirely by surprise. I guess the silver lining is that I didn't waste another pregnancy test.
I feel like I don't have the right to start feeling nervous about this, but I am. Three failed cycles is not a big deal. It's not abnormal. And many women have certainly had more trouble. But while there are plenty of stats out there regarding how long it takes couples to conceive when they start "trying" (as in, just randomly having unprotected sex at any time of the month), I've never been able to find information on how long it takes couples to conceive when they use fertility awareness methods and regularly have sex within the woman's known fertile window.
It doesn't help that I come from a family of ridiculously fertile women, and thus I've pretty much always expected conception to be easy. When I got pregnant the first time, it was unplanned and happened only about 6 weeks after Marcus and I started gettting lazy with the condoms. It happened so quickly and it confirmed my belief (and my mother's belief) that motherhood would come easily to me.
My nervousness is not so much about the fact that I'm in a rush to conceive. Rather, there is a small part of me that has worried throughout my life that there is something that I don't know about my body, something that will get in my way when I try to conceive, something that may keep me from ever being a mom. My nervousness stems from the paranoia that it's just not ever going to happen, and that I'm being naive by having any sort of hope at all.
As dramatic as this entry may seem, I'm actually not upset at all. At this point I'm just unsettled. And, naturally, disappointed.
For history's sake, I'm going to start posting my charts after every failed cycle.
2 comments:
Please don't be too worried about this. When my husband and I started trying, i was tracking ovulation, we diligently (and happily) had lots of sex when i was fertile, and I was taking my prenatals and herbs and off caffeine and alcohol. Nothing for three months. So, we decided to take a month off, still unprotected, and give ourselves a break. Of course, that's when we got pregnant. Same thing happened to a close friend of mine. I really believe that it's not a performance and that stress and worry inhibit fertility. Especially since you know you're fertile, I'd do whatever you can too not worry and just enjoy great sex with your partner. it will happen.
Thank you so much, Molly.
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