Monday, December 15, 2008

Midwife Me!

I've decided against calling Doctor D. I did like her demeanor, and as receptive as I was to working with her while trying to conceive, I've since of fallen on the side of not wanting to work with an obstetrician for this pregnancy. Fortunately, my insurance covers nurse-midwives, and I've already called and made an appointment for January 14th with a highly recommended local practice.

I have trust issues with doctors as it is, and my last pregnancy sort of reinforced that. My last GYN seemed okay, until it became apparent that I had miscarried, at which point her attitude towards me and my situation became mechanical and almost stand-offish. After waking up from my D&C, one of the nurses became impatient with me and treated me as if I was purposely wasting her time because I was sobbing so hard that my heart rate stayed elevated. Experiences like that made me feel as if I was just a body (a lame body, at that) that had to be dealt with and not a woman in mourning.

This time, I want an experience that is more intimate and less clinical. I want to work with a woman who is empathetic, trustworthy, knowledgable, and LISTENS to me. I also want minimal intervention with this pregnancy.

Has anyone hear had experience with a midwife (or know someone else who has)? I'd like to know how you felt about it and whether you would do it again. If you chose not to use a midwife, I'd like to know why. I'm not entirely decided and I'd love it if you shared your experiences and concerns with me!

6 comments:

Lily Girl said...

I've not worked with a midwife (have never in fact been pregnant) but we have good friends who opted for a home birth with a midwife and loved the experience. You can read their account of it here: http://johnderson.blogspot.com/2008/11/baby.html

Also, I love this blog by a midwife located in southern CA. You might enjoy her writing too. She is a wealth in information and a very moderate voice (she is not against modern medicine when the situation warrants and puts the safety of her patients above all else). http://navelgazingmidwife.squarespace.com/ (fyi she has pictures on her blog which include bare breasts and some of her clients births in all their glory so you may want to check it out somewhere other than work)

And congratulations on being pregnant today :)

Anonymous said...

I just finished reading your blog (started at the beginning and went the whole journey with you) and I wanted to say.....something.

First, congrats! It's wonderful news!

I am in a similar situation. I first got pregnant Dec 2007. Everything was fine for us until Aug 12, 2008. Our baby's heartbeat was double what it should have been. Long story short, he ended up passing away that day while still in the womb. I gave birth silently to him Aug 16. He was 36 weeks. *sigh* I still miss him.

Just recently, I was sure I was still not pregnant again, but we were going to a party with drinking and I just wanted to make sure I was okay. So I took a test. I was flabbergasted to see a positive result. I have been dealing with my feelings since. The main one being fear. Also struggling with not being way-too-super-excited about the whole thing, but not staying detached "just in case" again.

So I have no words of wisdom, but I feel for you, I probably feel pretty similar to you, and my thoughts go out to you and will continue to, along with positive thinking!

kathy said...

I just watched a really good documentary on home-birth called The Business of Being Born. It's produced by Ricki Lake who has had both a hospital and home birth. It's fairly slanted towards home-birth but they did a nice job of including some physician opinions both pro and con. It's definitely worth checking out.

Anonymous said...

Don't think I can be much help on this one except to tell you to go with your gut feeling. If a midwife will make you feel more comfortable and more at ease, then go that way. The full clinical hospital route is not for everyone.

I still giggle a bit each day just for you. :) Your pregnancy is just such wonderful news!

Girl in the Dirt said...

I have always leaned towards midwives. White sterile rooms with stirrups and hurried nurses seems so unnatural. Traditionally in any culture you'd be surrounded by other women who understand what's happening to you physically and emotionally, who will help you through the process and make the whole thing a powerful emotional experience - not just a medical procedure.

In this country we have been taught endlessly that you can't have a safe pregnancy without your legs in those stirrups, and women do it all the time. I think it's important to have a doctor around in the event of an unexpected emergency, but.. I don't know. What do I know, I don't have babies. Just my thoughts.

Unknown said...

I just went through a miscarriage in December and handled it mostly with the help of midwives. (We have a 15 month old and they were the midwives who had delivered her when she was born.) I say they mostly handled it because they are based out of a birth center that is pretty much attached to a hospital and although they have hospital rights they don't perform any surgeries. I went in for a routine appointment to find a heartbeat (much like your story in the beginning)- I had seen the heartbeat on the ultrasound but was excited to finally get to hear it (which I never did). We were supposed to be at 11 or 12 weeks but there was no heartbeat and the baby had apparently stopped growing at 8 weeks. I opted for the d&c procedure as well because it hadn't happened on its own and I needed to bring some closure to that pregnancy. Anyways, the midwives (after the initial shocking "can't find a heartbeat" news) sent me to a specialist to do another sonogram where they reported the actual devastating news. I do remember feeling upset at the midwives a bit just because I didn't hear the "sorry we don't think your baby is alive anymore" news from them and i just felt like they left me hanging. However, the next morning, the midwife who I had seen for the appointment (there are 5 in the office) called me back and asked how i was doing and discussed my options and helped me set up the d&c with her backup physician, who was so wonderful- she'd been through a d&c after the loss of her first pregnancy so she knew all about what I was going through. Anyways, i went back to see the midwives for my follow up appointment and saw one of the midwives i wasn't even too fond of and it ended up being a good (however good a follow up appointment can be after losing a baby) appointment. I broke down and cried in the exam room and she hugged me and gave me tissues and let me get it out before we continued with any questions or any of the exam. She said, I'm sorry this happened to you, we'll see you soon with another positive pregnancy test. it was nice that she was so caring and positive that i'd be back. anyways, all this to say, I do really like the midwives and their care, throughout a full pregnancy, labor, and delivery... and now throughout the painful ordeal of going through a miscarriage. I would go back to them.

I'm so sorry that you've had to endure this heartache of losing a baby as well... Everyone is different in their stories and in how they handle grief and i can't say i know how you feel but I can say I understand what it is to go through this heartache and the havoc it wreaks on every aspect of your life.

sorry for being so long-winded in a comment... hope the info about the midwives helps.

Thinking about you and praying that God blesses you richly in the days ahead...

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