Future Prospects: SUCK.
As you can see in the chart below, I gave up early on in the cycle. We had sex a couple of times during my fertile phase (if I had a fertile phase), but I didn't bother recording it. My growing sense of futility is not such a great motivator to chart diligently, as it turns out.
This past cycle was particularly unfair, in that my period was a couple of days late, but the tests still came up negative. The last time my period was late (an entire year ago, now), I was pregnant. This time...not so much.
In the meantime, Fertility Friend is throwing a fit because my subscription is about to expire. I don't intend to renew it for now. Doctor D wants to see me if the next couple cycles are a bust, so I'm going to take break from charting for the next two months. It's just such a pain in the ass to deal with the temping and all that, just to see every damn cycle to come to the same disappointing end.
4 comments:
I am sorry you are going through this. Would screaming obscenities at the top of your lungs help? Or maybe crying through a box of tissues? Not that you need my permission, but whatever helps is totally acceptable right now. There is nothing that anyone can say to make this any better so I won't try, but I am still keeping my fingers crossed and as always hoping for the best in your future.
I've just been keeping myself busy. At this point I don't even know what else to do. Honestly, I feel like a brat. There are so many women who have had it much worse than me; I recently found out that a coworker my age will never be able to have children for medical reasons, which makes my self-pitying seem that much more pathetic and ungrateful.
Of course, at this point, I don't know if I'll ever have children either, and that's what bothers me the most. I lost the ability to take things for granted after the miscarriage. I can't believe that things will be okay just because I want them to be, or because I'd be an awesome mom, or because the alternative is statistically unlikely... because obviously life doesn't work that way. People that deserve better get much, much worse than what they've earned all the time.
Ugh, sorry for the whining. Thanks for your support, Rach.
Whine all you want! You have the right and I know how you feel. You wonder if that one pregnancy was the only one you will ever have and that is always a daunting and horribly sad thought to try and work through. You are right, it won't all be OK just because you are a good person or because you love your husband so much (I hated it when people would tell me that) but you have to believe that you will get to a place in your life where what is happening will be easier to handle and to accept. Life is funny sometimes and I have often found that it kicks you in the butt when you least expect it so maybe for the holiday season, you just take it easy, be yourself, NOT chart and jump our hubby because you had a little too much egg nog and not because your temperature is just right. :)
Keep your chin up!
I meant YOUR hubby. Sorry. Typo. :)
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